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finding truth

by Carl Walker

Finding truth

It seemed so hard

Because it seemed

I was the one who had the important part of it

 

I tried explaining

They don’t listen

No,

They can’t hear

And don’t know they are deaf

 

What a wall I encountered

It seemed so obvious to me

I know I have a part of the truth

And no one would receive it

 

The tension within me rose

And I shouted even louder

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it, listen to me”

and none could hear me

 

a voice from the ether

whispering, pleading, almost unheard

“Do you have all the truth?,”

 

“no,” I whined, ”but I have the important part

parts,” I quickly corrected myself, “I have the important parts”,

I asserted to myself

 

I silently nursed my wounded ego,

“I have the parts, the important parts,

the pretty, pretty parts.”

It was like a mantra in my brain

 

“foolish others, why won’t they listen,

I have the pretty parts,

The pretty, pretty parts.”

And no one could hear my song

 

An unframed question

Formed itself in the void,

“How will you complete the truth you don’t have?”

 

“I will comfort myself with what I have,

I won’t trouble myself with the other parts

The insignificant, the unnecessary, the unpretty.

I have the pretty parts,

The pretty, pretty parts”

 

My heart was angry

My heart was sad

Can’t you see the beauty

I moaned, I groaned

I felt broken with desire

Why can’t they see it?

Why WON’T they see it?

 

A promise and a threat

Speaking from the evil darkness

“If you listen to me I can tell you how they will hear you,

and hear you gladly.”

 

“All”, I asked, “will they all hear me?”

“only a few, a very, very few,”

echoed in the darkness,

“but the few will feed your soul

and give you peace,

peace and joy”

 

“how,” my broken heart pleaded

 

“Love the people more than you love the truth you think you’ve found

love them when they won’t hear

love them when they hate you

serve them when they won’t appreciate it

 

“I cussed,”

“I’d have to die for them,” I spat

 

“OK, then,” the voice intoned,

“I’ll give you an example to follow

and I’ll put my spirit within you to enable you

to love them with my love.”

 

and then He died

and gave all who would receive

His undivided spirit

 

I discoved I could not love them

more than the truth I thought I’d found

 

I want to put more faith in the truth I’ve found

Than in love

I want to love my truth

More than people

Certainly more than in listening

Certainly more than giving others a feeling of being listened to

 

And so

I lock the door of my soul

And truth

(the real parts, the real, real parts)

can not come in

(the parts that give peace and life and joy)

can not intrude

 

the only way I’ll ever be delivered

is through intercession

of one who will die for me

 

you who have truth,

will you die for me

will you love me

more than your truth

will you sacrifice your speaking

to hear me

even when I will not hear you

 

will you try?

09/03/2004

Author's Note: logic demonstrates the existence and nature of God to all who will look. Life comes through dying to what we cling to to give us life, in order to give life to unappreciative others. No one can love this way with out god's help. I'd love to hear your side of it.

Posted on 09/03/2004
Copyright © 2021 Carl Walker

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 09/04/04 at 01:44 AM

Part of the Truth is in loving others at least as much as self! Thus one cannot fully love the Truth without loving others meaningfully. A sobering, challenging message to all those who are seekers of the Truth.

Posted by Michelle Angelini on 09/06/04 at 04:48 PM

Terrific poem, although I don't believe it's logic in the search for God, but the heart and fiery passion within it to find Him. For me, my belief in God is apart from logic. I'm normally not patient enough to read long poems, but this one carried me through with its interesting story and building the tension of self-belief of superior knowledge.

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