I noticed today how my mother looks so much older in the rear-view mirror.

Resting still, her palms lay one over the other... almost in a corpse-like fashion. her eyes have started seeping underneath the skin that circles them, and she keeps her lips pressed tight now.

I cannot understand how it would be to be 50, and tired all of the time. how it would feel to know that anyday you might not wake up to the next sunrise, or make it to the next sunset. how it is to worry about your youngest, and who would take care of him if you were unable to be there in the sense that matters most to a 7 year old. ( I would momma, I would. if you were unable, I would try to fill those shoes, and fail. but I still would try. )

and of course-
I will never speak of any of this,
and she will never see this paper,
or any of these words.

But it still makes me worry when I glance back at her.

08/16/2004

Author's Note: Say you wrote it- would you let your mother read this? [For Mom.]

Posted on 08/16/2004
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