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I go down this way
by Traci Mabatsstars stand still
like stagnant water
I pray you let me fade
the cycle is complete
now I see
I'm standing in
water too deep
to wade
(my way out)
this dusty dirt road
I've driven down
a thousand times again
But my memories faded
a tattered map
And I'm on empty
too lost to
know where to begin
(my way home)
love left me in limbo
lethargic and lonely
and hope is all but gone
words become
as futile ramblings
but vanity still presists
that I continue on
(my way down) 08/12/2004 Posted on 08/12/2004
Copyright © 2024 Traci Mabats
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Rula Shin on 08/12/04 at 05:42 PM Alliteration nicely done and constructs the base for the wonderful flow of this piece. I also really enjoyed the language which easily moves one to the realm of the subject, pained but contemplative and almost introspective with that last line. Although I'm not sure if you meant for that last line to be so long? If not I think I'd like to see it cut in half to match the rest haha A great read Sharona! :-) |
| Posted by Rula Shin on 08/12/04 at 05:43 PM ...hmmm now that I'm looking at it, more like cut into quarters hahaha ;-) |
| Posted by Beth K Hannah on 08/15/04 at 02:20 AM nice and striking...good job |
| Posted by Ashok Sharda on 08/17/04 at 05:00 PM 'hope is all but gone' and with this hope, gone is love and faith.And what remains is 'futile ramblings'
and yes the Vanity, which always leads us in the opposite direction. But, as you percieve,'water too deep
to wade'.
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