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Pete and the Fire Ants
by Rusty C Arquette
Pete was a Florida cowboy
easily identified by his attire
he dressed in a black cowboy hat,
western boots, faded blue jeans,
a big buckled western belt,
and no matter what the weather,
a denim jacket buttoned at the cuffs
and tight up to his neck
a kerchief hung from his back pocket
he worked my uncles ranch
for over fifty years
back in the 50s and 60s
he strung barb wire fencing,
maintained the roads and buildings
and tended a large herd
of White Face Hereford cattle
twice a year
he and the other ranch hands
gathered up all the scrub cattle
that had free range on the ranch
over a two or three day period
they were all dipped, tagged,
treated for wounds or illness,
and branded as needed
a corral and holding pen
served as the point of operations
for their activities
my dad grew up on a farm
and in spite of being a Yankee
he did know his way around animals
he worked with Pete and the others
on several of these roundups
during the five years he
worked on Eds Ranch
on one such roundup
Pete and the others were clustered
around a trussed and grounded cow
applying the ranch brand
and a purple tincture to a couple
cuts on the animals legs
all were focused on the job
Pete stood up and stepped back
the bawling cow was released
and sped off in a cloud of dust
Pete let out a loud grunt
when the others in the group
looked around, Pete was running away
from them at full bore
they grinned,
confused
wondering what in hell he was doing
one of the guys laughed
pointing to a large Fire Ant mound
at the spot old Pete had been standing
hed stepped in the mound
felt the first burning bites
of the tenacious insects
and did what an local knew
was the only thing you could
he headed for water
to wash them off
before the things
ate him alive
as Pete ran frantically,
but awkwardly
he was peeling off his clothes
boots first, the denim jacket,
then his hat flew off
he worked the buckle on his belt
finally reaching a large pond nearby
he raced into the water splashing
finally wrestling off his jeans
still racing for the center
of the cat tail circled pond
butt naked
he reached the waters center
now a good three hundred feet
out in the center of the pond
the other ranch hands
started laughing uproariously
hed come to a halt
dead center in the pond
but the water
rose just above his ankles
the laughter increased
as the men all laughed
at the sight of the six foot three Pete
this tough cowboy character
standing naked and lily white
in ankle deep water
the only thing tan on the man
was his hands and face
dark brown and a stark juxtaposition
against his otherwise pale skin
he stood there shocked for a second
mad at the guys for laughing
the ants still chewing away at him
he quickly flopped down on his back
and began splashing madly
and scrubbing furiously
at his persistent antagonists
the men laughed even more
a couple almost peeing themselves
according to my dads report
a couple minutes later
Pete came walking back
his tanned hands hiding his male parts
all hang dog and scowling
as the snickers kept escaping
the grinning faces of his compadres
when he reached his jeans
he quickly wrestled his scrawny
white butt back inside
picking up the rest of his gear
he approached the group
the snickering stopped
as he faced the assembled men
staring intently at them
as if looks could kill
he quickly barked out,
Dont say a damn thing!
all was quiet
and dont never say nothin
about it neither!!
but of course they all did
from that day forward,
anytime they were back at the pens,
taking care of scrubs,
there was always someone
who would start chuckling
about Snow White
or suggesting Pete check
to make sure a lifeguard
was on duty
he didnt like it
hed scowl at the smart-ass
but there wasnt much he could do
and the event followed him forever
but thats life, isnt it?
one mans pain is anothers laughter
Pete heard that laughter
for a long time
08/12/2004 Author's Note: Another one of RCat's tales to tickle your imagination...
Posted on 08/12/2004
Copyright © 2024 Rusty C Arquette
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 08/12/04 at 02:11 PM CUTE story!!! *still snickering* |
| Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 08/13/04 at 12:35 AM Hahaha! Wonderfully funny from the poetic Teller of Tales! Great characterization. A really fun read! |
| Posted by Charles E Minshall on 08/14/04 at 05:52 AM I sat here smiling like an idiot for the whole
story. Fun to read Rusty....Charlie |
| Posted by Mike Loftis on 09/13/04 at 01:46 AM Great story!! I'm wiping tears from laughing so hard. Man, what a sight this must have been. |
| Posted by Joan Serratelli on 04/18/06 at 05:48 PM This was a really funny story- great imagery- I'm atill laughing! Great write; fun read! |
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