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Dreams in the Dust
by Jaydon ColeAutumn leaves by the window cry
Tracing your face in the dust;
Memories on a window pane scried,
And here's a tear for you to remember me by,
(Don't cry).
I see the phantom in the window
While your ghost is sitting at the door;
Another stain is found in the dust,
But I don't want to feel anymore.
I hear a name hissed from the shadows,
I feel a hand settle on my back;
Forgiveness is driven through my heart,
Bleaching the chambers stained black
(But it can't mend the crack).
I wonder if you can see me now,
Through these dusty thumbprint-eyes;
Or hear with ears I've yet to give you,
Or does the glass filter out my lies?
And this, over here, will be me,
As I trace out a window for two;
With a dust imprinted heart around us
To connect me to you;
(I love you).
Now slither your way up to me,
Sit here with me, just for a bit,
And touch the future carved into the window,
And take the hand that created it. 08/03/2004 Posted on 08/04/2004
Copyright © 2024 Jaydon Cole
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Rachelle Howe on 08/04/04 at 10:57 AM okay. take the ()'s out. they've already said what you say again, and this time, it doesn't work for the piece. um, other than, i think this has some good walkways. good luck, and welcome to pathetic! lemme know if you need help. |
| Posted by Ashok Sharda on 08/04/04 at 02:00 PM 'And touch the future carved into the window,
And take the hand that created it.'. This is full of positive feelings and an offer of a future, hopeful and full of life.
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| Posted by Amanda L Marron on 08/04/04 at 02:50 PM i agree with Ashok....i love those last two lines |
| Posted by Paganini Jones on 08/04/04 at 07:38 PM I disagree about the parentheses - I read them as a second voice whispering, or an echo - for me they are integral to the poem. Having said that I might want to tighten some of this up a tad. Overall I love the creativity of the image and the three-dimensional quality. |
| Posted by Michelle Angelini on 08/05/04 at 06:54 AM I like the sensitory richness of your poem. I loved the same 2 lines Ashok did, although the rest of the poem has such vivid images. I'm undecided about the parentheses - maybe you can use them like an echo, 5 spaces away from the last word of the line? Welcome to Pathetic! |
| Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 10/05/06 at 04:14 AM Thanks for the read. Enjoyed this one. |
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