Dreams in the Dust
by Jaydon Cole
Autumn leaves by the window cry
Tracing your face in the dust;
Memories on a window pane scried,
And here's a tear for you to remember me by,
I see the phantom in the window
While your ghost is sitting at the door;
Another stain is found in the dust,
But I don't want to feel anymore.
I hear a name hissed from the shadows,
I feel a hand settle on my back;
Forgiveness is driven through my heart,
Bleaching the chambers stained black
(But it can't mend the crack).
I wonder if you can see me now,
Through these dusty thumbprint-eyes;
Or hear with ears I've yet to give you,
Or does the glass filter out my lies?
And this, over here, will be me,
As I trace out a window for two;
With a dust imprinted heart around us
To connect me to you;
(I love you).
Now slither your way up to me,
Sit here with me, just for a bit,
And touch the future carved into the window,
And take the hand that created it.
Posted on 08/04/2004
Copyright © 2020 Jaydon Cole
|Member Comments on this Poem|
|Posted by Rachelle Howe on 08/04/04 at 10:57 AM|
okay. take the ()'s out. they've already said what you say again, and this time, it doesn't work for the piece. um, other than, i think this has some good walkways. good luck, and welcome to pathetic! lemme know if you need help.
|Posted by Ashok Sharda on 08/04/04 at 02:00 PM|
'And touch the future carved into the window,
And take the hand that created it.'. This is full of positive feelings and an offer of a future, hopeful and full of life.
|Posted by Amanda L Marron on 08/04/04 at 02:50 PM|
i agree with Ashok....i love those last two lines
|Posted by Paganini Jones on 08/04/04 at 07:38 PM|
I disagree about the parentheses - I read them as a second voice whispering, or an echo - for me they are integral to the poem. Having said that I might want to tighten some of this up a tad. Overall I love the creativity of the image and the three-dimensional quality.
|Posted by Michelle Angelini on 08/05/04 at 06:54 AM|
I like the sensitory richness of your poem. I loved the same 2 lines Ashok did, although the rest of the poem has such vivid images. I'm undecided about the parentheses - maybe you can use them like an echo, 5 spaces away from the last word of the line? Welcome to Pathetic!
|Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 10/05/06 at 04:14 AM|
Thanks for the read. Enjoyed this one.