I sat calmly, hands folded on my knees,
Flailing wildly pushing all the big flashing red self-destruct buttons I could find,
Quietly going down with the ship
Which, you happened to notice,
Was never sinking in the first place.

You’ve said my voice is the vessel
On which anger is
A stowaway,
Taking his seat in a shady inflection
Only to shock and surprise,
To hurt – to MAIM
Because I love you and I’ve never deserved to be this
happy.

i can’t control it.
i can’t control it?
i can’t control it!

I had held it in my hands,
It was there before me and I could touch it.
I swear it was real.
I swear it was.
To sense it, to surrender,
To believe that something may have truth to it

You said you loved me.
You said you loved me?
You said… you loved me…

Animals flee
At my approach,
They sense the disruption,
The omen of my presence
The quiet storm I cannot control
Waiting for the moment
Some emotional spasm
Waiting to lay waste to paradise,
To trip and stumble-
Animals know to run
Animals know

I want you to run, too
Because I know that you’ll always deserve
Better
Than what I can offer you…

but…

(Is it possible?)
Part of me wants
To make myself better,
To become the best
So that one day I can
Endeavor to
Deserve you.

07/16/2004

Author's Note: On feeling insecure after finding someone wonderful and having to deal with with the baggage left by a string of not-so-wonderfuls

Posted on 07/16/2004
Copyright © 2024 Alastre Zidler