You stunned me yesterday.

The sloped ceiling stared back
as my eyes droned across its dimples.

I forgot the words we use
to say the things we need to say.

Instead I felt this dread wash up and over,
rise into my eyes and pour down over my face,
constricting my throat,
holding me captive of my own unexplainable feelings.

You caught me in the mirror
dragging clothes across my body,
desperately covering the skin that felt so wrong
the skin that shamed me some how,
hurt me when it never had before.

You watched and rose the tempo on that 6 string,
hit the double bar and waited.

I stood
stark
still.

Tried in vain to keep my body from shuddering
Tried in vain to not look at your eyes.
And when your arms encircled me
my body wound into ball,
unsure of why you would want to hold me
and not sure why I would ever feel like this.

I softened and then they came again
and stained your pillow without my consent.

It felt like that day last June
where I had broken something
and suddenly realized.

Felt like that day when you sent me away
and I cried in the car as my dad drove me back to my house.





Except-
This time
I watched you.
I watched you watching me,
Seeing my eyes
and hearing me tell you
I'd leave if it made your day better.

And though I lookied crumpled and sore
forgotten and broken
you told me you loved me
in salt.

And then you said it.

07/15/2004

Posted on 07/15/2004
Copyright © 2024 Trisha De Gracia