it was the way he held the door
arm stretched upward, not out straight
either way, i am dwarfed
and walk under him instead of around

it was the way he smiled
like he meant it, even when he was dying
and no one ever knew
that he felt so small inside

i was driving
when i got the news
42, life over at the end of a rope
goodbyes care of US postal service
and paralyzed central nerves
registering shock and disbelief
one hand on the phone
the other pressed against my face
steering controlled
by my left knee
foot on tiptoe to reach the wheel

it was the way he cared
and made me feel ten feet tall
despite my 5'2" frame even in pumps
tall enough to survive
drowning in the days

this mystery lingers
how could he reach for the benefit of others
selflessly, quietly, powerfully
yet never once
extend a hand or cry for himself
being consumed by the desperation
of a life
of a moment

it was his way, his spirit
that i'll miss
and remember
knowing how easily
once upon a time
it could've been me

07/13/2004

Posted on 07/14/2004
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