| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Michelle Angelini on 07/01/04 at 09:36 PM I like this poem, and it's not as bad as you think. The only suggestions I have are to give more of a build up to the approaching storm and cut some "the's." Maybe mention the clouds darkening or the changing sky color or atmosphere. Oh, one other thing, maybe make more of the images like this line, "the winds push me to the upturned earth." Wonderful images. Take or leave these suggestions as you will. |
| Posted by Tim D Livingston on 07/02/04 at 04:59 PM This is really well done Christel. It's great as it is. Every poem could use some reworking. Maybe have a more violent transition to the storm. Have the trees bowing in oppression rather than reverance. Hope you are well! |
| Posted by Michelle Angelini on 07/03/04 at 06:09 AM I love it! The only thing I'd cut is "in all her glory," since it's cliched and you've described this throughout the poem. All the forces of nature are now the subjects, giving them human qualities. Now pat yourself on the back, and have a wonderful time this weekend. Excellent revision! |
| Posted by Tim D Livingston on 07/04/04 at 10:48 PM Hey your poem was great in the first place. I like the revisions. The only thing I'd like to see is more description of the warmth and serenity taking place before the storm to kind of balance out the poem. "winds grow impatient
tyranny ushers in clouds
smothering the sun's illuminated face" I love the personification!
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| Posted by Kalikala Smith on 07/13/04 at 02:43 AM i absolutely love the ending. i didn't get to see the previous version but this one is great:) storms of any kind absolutely fascinate me. |
| Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 06/04/06 at 04:22 PM this is the most perfect picture of a mood swing I have ever seen. (scene?!)
x'lent!**** |
