It was a hot summer day and Grandmother was in town,
so that meant that we were Catholic once again
and would be going to Sunday Mass.

I was fifteen that summer and just starting to "blossom"
into my womanhood. Just started shaving my legs, wearing a little lip gloss,
just started wearing nylons. This was before the advent of the pantyhose….
so, needing some contraption to hold up my nylons, I borrowed Mom's rubber girdle.

I can only equate the experience of putting that thing on
to trying to climb a ladder with your knees together!
A little baby powder helped.

Well, in church between the reflection, and the genuflection,
the sitting, the standing, the kneeling and the standing and sitting again,
I began to get very queasy.

I hurried out to the front of the church,
through the big double doors, gulping air.
And it was right there in front of God and everyone that I fainted.

The last thing I heard was, "I can't hold her."
(Maybe I needed that girdle more than I thought.)

Well, when I came to, in the crowd of faces looking down on me
were a young priest and my younger sister Susie.
The priest asked, "Why did she faint I wonder?"
To which my dear sister replied,
"Oh, she just can't breath because she's wearin Mom's rubber girdle!"

06/27/2004