i liked jordan, and the way that
needle seemed permanently attached
to his arm. maybe because he said
he needed me like he needed oxygen
and a regular fix of cocaine.
[god knows addicts don't need food]

substance abuse was never a problem
when i was his drug, until i found him
black and bruised and dirty and half-
dead [i was never that lucky] down some
deserted alley when i should have
been doing something, anything else.

...

and now i see i should have turned
around right there and left you
for dead [it was about time your
body caught up with the rest of you
anyway] but i was never as cold-
hearted as you desired me to be.

and even now, months after the last
time i let you drive me home and kiss
me relentlessly, i still think of your
hand on my thigh and the thoughts in
your brain and the fact that even today,
i'd like to strangle that skinny neck of yours.

your words still ring like a bad trip.
[is this why we were better off alone?]
i still miss you, boy-
your rough hands, your bleeding wrists,
and your beautiful eyes leave me with
this knifeinpalm, poised, ready for your return.

04/26/2004

Posted on 04/27/2004
Copyright © 2024 Lauren Pearl