why i always fall for addicts with light eyes and why i never will again

so i hear you washed up, again,
and no, i'm not surprised. bloodied
on the beach was never my
style and i guess i'm thankful
you've never learned to swim.

they tell me the blood was dry and crusted
and mixed with leftover cocaine and you had
bruises where you just shouldn't
but no, i never thought you would
die, you don't deserve something so romantic.

i hope virginia treats you well,
better than ohio with your
father, or florida with me, and yes,
i thought i could save you, even after
nights of choking down shot after shot

i remember watching you with wide
eyes after you swore you were
better (oh honey, you never fooled
me) your words can only push me so
far, your broken grin gave it away.

your mother was crying on the phone
her voice was harsh and unforgiving
and i know, god i know, that
silently she blamed me, because i
remember i once told her that

i truly loved you; she cried then
too, and she told me her son was
incapable and undeserving. and as i cried
tonight, i realized just how
how honest she was being.

04/12/2004

Author's Note: this is shaky and i'm sorry. i want to make this better. god knows you don't deserve it.

Posted on 04/12/2004
Copyright © 2024 Lauren Pearl

this.is.what.i.needed.to.see. 


thank you.