The credence stands with skeletons
all smiling from their homes inside
the roomy walk-in closet.

I prepare myself
as you examine my beliefs
and hold me fastly to them.

Promised I would love entirely
and all without condition
-Love despite the flaws.

Despite my insecurities
I'm here, and while my back is turned towards you
I am asking me the things I (falsely) fear you hearing.

In my mind
I see your heart behind me
beating on the ground
alone and open to whatever just might pass.

I take a step.
I feel my own heart race with insecurity
but then I check.
I check, and step.
I step, and step again
and soon I'm walking
walking forward
walking not away
just not towards
the precious vital organ I so badly want to hold.

Every step I feel it farther
farther farther
gaining distance from me and my own
and then I check-
I check, I step.
I stop, and feel a million miles away from you
and longing for your touch.

But then it hits with this intense security
That I'm not far away
and that I feel it there
behind my back yet in my own
and even as I walk it's never left
and I have never gone.

And I don't need to know it.
I don't need the logic telling me
that you might not be there when I return.
I know the logic
know the past
I kiss those smirking skeletons
and scared as I once was, I'll hold you to your word.

I trust you with the whole of me
and you can show me whether that's
enough to make you trustworthy.

02/23/2004