Ode to a terrible, awful rectal itch in church by Carl WalkerIm squirming
in the suirmin
Im twitching
With an itching
And Im fearing Ill be hearing
Of secrets that Ive hid
Preposterous and monsterous
Apparitions of the mind
Invented to explain
The movement and discomfort
Of irritation in my behind<p>
Im sighing almost crying
Ive gained attention of the croud
Perhaps they think me pious
Perhaps they think me cowed
I cant imagine the explanations
That Ill start to hear out loud<p>
My wife begins to nudge me
My children start to moan
It is not that Im a sinner
Or feeling late to dinner
But the suirmins not half over
And I long to scratch that itch<p>
Energetically and frentically
My butt moves in the pew
My legs are now involved
And I ask
What should i do?<p>
should i stand and scratch
Not caring who would know
should i retreat to a far back chair
and hope to keep my secret there<p>
the pastor is ordaining
my wife is now complaining
but it seems theres no relief
for a membrane causing grief<p>
but the pastor is now approving
to the suirmin he thinks Im grooving
such feeling he rarely gets
as the croud stoicly sits
but one like me it seems
gets the message, he deems
and I know theyll ask me to be an elder
and to sit upon a committee
because my squirmin during the suirmin
has now been misconstrued<p>
so if you dont want to find yourself
in leadership of the church
if your bottom is throbbin
stay home
01/18/2004 Author's Note: I'm not sure if this is explicit or not, but I sure am moving around in my chair as though my soul is exercised about something. and yeah, I know how to spell crowed, couwd, uhhh and sermion too. don't u ever like to misspel words for fun. just break a rule why don't cha
Posted on 01/18/2004 Copyright © 2025 Carl Walker
Member Comments on this Poem |
Posted by Jane E Pearce on 01/18/04 at 09:18 PM LOL-great poem and rhyme. Thanks for the humor. (and don't forget to take your Prepararion H everywhere with you.) LOL |
Posted by Susan Q Tomas on 01/19/04 at 05:46 PM At first I thought this must be a metaphor for something. Butt no. It is just funny. |
Posted by Adrian Calhoun on 01/22/04 at 06:55 PM OH man i'm a laughin. Maybe some preparationH there pal LOL. Maybe it was the Hly Gas LOL....oh man you got me goin now, I gotsta stop. Funny stuff here Carl !!!! |
Posted by Kara Hayostek on 03/14/04 at 10:35 PM OMG this is so funny, I even like the mispellings. I for one enjoy mispronouncing common words just for fun. You should lead preperation H's ad campain. LOL |
Posted by Jean Mollett on 10/06/07 at 02:56 AM Hi Carl,
Great write. I know it wasn't funny at the time, but this is kinda funny in a way. I like the way you worked it together. Great job. I would have just got up and headed to the bathroom. Carry your buddy, Prepararion H with ya. |
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