I wish I could go to sleep.. wander off into my dreamlike haze… that escape.. but If I do.. I’ll oversleep.. I’m notorious for that.. I’ll turn off the alarm in my sleep and won’t even know it happened until hours later.. I’ve lost a few jobs because of that.. and hence.. why I’m so neurotic about it.. I need money.. so much in fact, I’d whore myself out if I thought anyone would pay… but alas, I’m honest with myself.. and I don’t want to have to work that hard for my money.. I’d rather just whore myself out for a pizza chain, at least they give me a reach round with my paycheck…

I wish I could inspire you to improve.. but I’m damaged goods.. so my word automatically loses sanctity in truth.. I am the sinner walking the right path, but at the same time, I’m looking for a detour..
I’m going to hell, I’m sure.. if there is one.. for all these thoughts I have.. all these fantasies about the girl next door and her intangible taste for soft sex and cuddling.. I know I’m going to hell for giving a 15 year old in tight jeans a second glance… I’m going to hell.. but at least I’ll see a lot of you there.

I wish I knew what my purpose was in life.. I see all these people so headstrong about what they want to be.. working towards a goal.. and me? Hell.. I’m lucky if I can follow through on my breakfast plans.. much less my retirement. So am I just this big waste of space? I think so..

01/12/2004

Posted on 01/12/2004
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