i think the next time i decided that i want to be like Chrissie and go in an hour late to work...i'll take myself up on that offer.

it's funnt how you do the same things everyday. how you have a ritual almost. everything is in this auto pilot mode and you can't see the little thing that's out of place, the little thing that makes a big difference.

(atleast that's about too anyway.)

everything is louder at dawn. (5:31 am eastern standard time) you stick your key in the padlock on the front door. you turn it. it was the loudest click of my life.

and that's when it all started.

i got grabbed. i got jabbed. i got told to not scream and "open the fucking door". all i could do is let out a muffled scare and turn and look behind me to see who it was. i swore up and down that is was Shaun still...both of them. why couldn't it have been Shaun?

the only thought that i was thinking..."this is seriously not happening to me right now."

but it was.

all they wanted was for me to open the fucking door. and all i could do was fumble threw the keys on my keyring. everykey looked the same, like it would never open the door.

but opening the door wasn't enough. all i heard was yelling. "turn off the alarm!" was echoing. i turned off the alarm and that's when i met it...the gun.

the party was now started. all we needed was my invite, Mary. because being at a party by yourself without anyone you know is no fun.

believe me. i know.

01/11/2004

Author's Note: i don't expect any ratings or comments. this is strictly an detox process for me. i have to get these feelings and thoughts out. they just keep reliving in me and even though i've put them down on paper and here, it's hard to let go.

Posted on 01/12/2004
Copyright © 2025 Nanette Bellman