I have come to realize why I become so immersed in stories of kingdoms and magic and swords.

I went to see the Return of the King in the theater with my sisters. And all through the most touching scenes, particularly between Sam and Frodo when they would hug or such, my little sister could only comment on the fact that she hadn't known that hobbits could be gay. As if such a depth of feeling for one of the same sex could be nothing else.

People in this modern, automated, impersonal world do not and cannot comprehend the depths of friendship, loyalty, and love set out in these stories. There is integrity and value in the relationships set forth by these stories, people and things truly worth living and dying for.

And it makes me immeasurably sad to know that no bonds such as those exist in this real world, and to recognize how appropriate the name of the genre really is - fantasy.

For I cannot think of a single person I know who has such depth of feeling for someone that they would accompany that person through anything, save them by risking themselves, even die for them.

And I am talking of loyalty freely given and from the heart, between one person and another. Not duty, not a paying job - not the impersonal service of some greater ideal. I am talking of the bonds of humanity, based on ultimate trust, the highest truths, and the deepest love, in the non-sexual sense - a bond between two people.

Some will argue that no extreme situations exist to bring about such testing circumstances as birth such bonds, that there is no call for that kind of loyalty in this modern world.

But from the depth of my being, I sound that call, for I, at least, do not wish to live with meaningless emptiness. I long to live with such intensity of feeling, feeling that matters, that can make an impact on the world. Feeling that means something.

And in the depth of my being I cry, to know that no one will answer that call - in this modern world, no one knows how.

12/25/2003

Author's Note: I feel like this is more of a cross between a personal essay and a journal entry, but it was just something I had to get down. I was really, really bothered by this realization.

Posted on 12/27/2003
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