[ in my dream your room was empty everything you owned was in boxes there was only your mirror low on the wall couldn't see my whole body in it anyway it was snowing so big & wide the hardwood floor under our bare feet & suicide has never been so sweet as this crazy kamikaze game we play every time we share the same five blanket is that your substitute for sex , she wants to know, i'm thinkin', well, maybe,,

get up, get out now, we're here, don't try to hold on to this door 'cos you're never gonna make it home whole / never gonna make it wholly home //

in my dream you said you had to tell me something so we fell out of your room and into daylight of the cold street below your window / i knew you were going and i think, every time i smell maggie somewhere i get a little bit of sweet, red, sadness n'there's this deep pain under my eyes in my cheekbones & my whole gut kinda shifts apart into a bunch of little tiny tan wires like shredded wheat you get in my head and then i can't sleep 'cos you're goin' all night on that little rattling hamster wheel are you what i need i remember your shoulderblades becoming liquid in my palms in the dark & what you said & how it matched up to what you were thinking && maybe you don't expect anything and if nothing comes of this i at least want you to know who i am and how i care & what i know about you, which is, [easy], you're a little tough sometimes but inside is a cream puff and a bunch of dried leaves and smiling jack-o-lanterns and two little girls running around holding hands

& i don't know your story, which is maybe just as well maybe i don't want to know what hurts you, but i'm running out of things to say and silence leaves more space for deviance, more space for the snow to melt & make puddles just waiting, waiting for unsuspecting socks now it's dark and we're sitting in your car && i'm slouched down in the seat, knees spread, & you have one hand on the stick ]

i woke up, then
and you were there,
i told you, in my dream, you told me you were leaving for new york
and you said, i'm sorry i can't be what you want,

12/19/2003

Author's Note: who says,

Posted on 12/19/2003
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