On at 8 p.m.,
every other day.
Peer to the world,
listen to them bray.

I can act the hero,
I can act the shmuck.
I get a million dollars,
and buy a fancy truck.

Best lines!
Best cars!
Best girls!
Best drugs!

...and this is my life as a T.V. sitcom!

Best pay!
Best pics!
Best tan!
Best pick!

...and absolutely nothing can go wrong!

My face is on People,
I'm on the evening news.
When I dump my girlfriend,
I share you all my blues.

Don't listen that I'm a junkie,
don't care I picked up a whore.
Because you just the audience,
and all you want is more.

Best lines!
Best cars!
Best girls!
Best drugs!

...and my life is catered on a silver platter!

Best pay!
Best pics!
Best tan!
Best pick!

...I'm the only thing that really matters!

Now my life is over,
my career is a flop.
My agent sold me out,
over to a D.E.A. cop.

My only pics a mug,
tabloids print the press.
When I get out of jail,
is anybody's guess!

Best lawyer!
Best smile!
Best press!
Best coverage!

...I couldn't do better if I tried!

Best show!
Best cast!
Best reality!
Best laughs!

...and who cares that I lied?

12/18/2003