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Topic: Breathe and I'll Drift Away
by Jason Wardelli feel paperthin
perched on snowy precipice
peering at potential fates
pratfalls and peril or
paradise and pleasure
and despite the pressure
i am calm
carefully calculating each cost
cautious of creating catastrophe,
a collapse of my contentment
creating chasms instead
where i once stood, complete.
and you seem displeased
discouraging, my detractor
denying any delight in discovering
dreamlike distances, instead dismissed
as dreaded, desolate, and dangerous
only you make it daunting
i feel myself breaking
believing in my beauty and
berated by your bashing
but a breath could bring me
bounding back to you, but
most likely i will end, bleeding
10/24/2003 Author's Note: This topic is from Lindsay Sanders over at the Topic Thread. Amanda L Marron has done one of the same name and I think Alaina Schneider and Rachelle Howe are planning on using the title as well. I'm waiting. ;)
Posted on 10/24/2003
Copyright © 2024 Jason Wardell
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Lindsay Sanders on 10/25/03 at 12:41 AM astounding. i absolutely adore this. i love your diction in chosing letters to use throughout each stanza. you did an incredible job on this wiley. i applaud you! |
| Posted by Ashok Sharda on 10/25/03 at 06:00 AM 'but a breath could bring me bounding back to you, but most likely i will end, bleeding', the conflict is evident.The fear of the fear too.The good part is that the intellectual centre seems 'alive' despite the presence of the emotional self, though not sure of its continues presence.
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| Posted by Max Bouillet on 10/25/03 at 11:19 PM PCDB I truly love your alliterative style... methinks it is awesome! |
| Posted by Rachelle Howe on 10/27/03 at 10:01 PM holy jesus. mother of god. this is absolutely astounding. the form and the flow are fabulous. |
| Posted by Jeanne Marie Hoffman on 11/01/03 at 05:27 AM Love the alliteration! Something I think would be cool and I think you would be able to pull it off... is if you did a poem with alliteration like this, but then it turns out if you take each letter from each stanza, it spells out a word. Just an idea ;) |
| Posted by Beth K Hannah on 11/07/03 at 04:56 AM wonderful |
| Posted by Jolie Jordan on 12/05/03 at 04:47 AM I'm awestruck, this has got to be my favourite piece by you, so far. I haven't read alot, but I plan to now. ♥ |
| Posted by Ava Blu on 01/14/05 at 11:03 PM Wow. I do love this. That last stanza is...damn...I have no words for it!! This is a first for me bc I usually am able to explain how much I like something, but now I am wordless.
wow again |
| Posted by Lauren Singer on 02/02/05 at 08:16 AM this is perfection. |
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