I contemplate
And contemplate
And contemplate.

In my head,
Much activity:
Built to Spill playing 24 hours...
My surrealization that love doesn't mean anything anymore.
My dying hope
Taking a gasping breath
And letting out a moan

"...wait..."

Shudder and wretch.

I wonder who I am
And who I will become.

EveryTimeIThinkIAmDefinedIRealizeI'mWrongAndI'mSomeoneElseCompletely

But for how long?

And how many times and changes
Before I am just me?

When will it hit me
That I am in charge around here?
In my head
Where the key to happiness waits to be discovered
And devoured.

And when will I realize
It's ok to admit that I'm lonely?
It's ok to admit I can't do everything all alone?
It's ok to admit that there are people I miss

People I love.

People I hope to love.

When will I stop this tumble:

BuiltToSpillClassHomeworkWorkDateHappyLonelyEcstaticFaithlessSearchingDistortionWakingInTheNight

And just be?

10/21/2003

Author's Note: Make what you will of this.

Posted on 10/22/2003
Copyright © 2026 Madeline Pestolesi