you are such a beautiful tragedy
and i have always known you well
enough to be able to write the way
you'll end
if i really wanted to.
i read it in your eyes that very first time
and memorized every line to keep with me
because i am such a silly girl sometimes
and i couldn't help but love you.
but we are both beasts of aggression
and of anything that makes us feel good,
feel alive and we almost killed eachother
time after time after time
just by being too real, just by not knowing
how to say No to anything that came too close
or that didn't come
close enough.
we were running much too quickly to ever
continue feeling anything
and that last time i looked at you i was forced
to look at myself and i hated you for what we
had become. but i knew that for the rest of my
life, no matter where i go, we'd always be a part
of eachother.

nothing has changed.

every time i drink myself into anger,
every time i am strangled by depression,
every time i sleep with a stranger,
every time my last resort turns to suicide,
the ghost of you is right there with me
handing me a bullet
and telling me
i don't have the fucking nerve
to do it.

no,
Nothing has changed.

10/21/2003

Author's Note: some people should just NOT get together. however, he's running with his own demons now.

Posted on 10/21/2003
Copyright © 2026 Olivia Weinkein