I'm holding it back now -
the burning saltiness begging to escape my eyes.
My heart had slowed so close to dead.
My brain wonders how long before the aching
stops in my head (from banging it on the headboard)

Thank God I'm almost dead.

But it's escaped! (the tears)
dropping on this olefin covered reclining sofa
I wouldn't even mind the embarrassment
of a customer walking in right now
It would only be the beginning of my punishment
for being such a... a...

a dreamswept girl

believing broken mirrors would become whole again
(all by themselves) with the glue of something ?new?
I've lost a million pieces and found all but one;
the last shard, if you look closely,
reflects your face (and a hundred others')

My reflection lies in a kaliediscope's shapes
lies... to be rearranged to the design
that pleases you (and a hundred others)

And I'm proud of how long I've waited for this hurt
to strengthen me - for love to be what I know it can be:
a device of torture and pain.

Screaming does no good, so I'm quiet -
and soon immune.

Did I just say love? A word with no meaning
in the dictionary of my soul - like a foreign language.
A country I'll miss more...

each time I see you, which will be often,
I suppose, in both of my worlds.

09/22/2003

Posted on 09/22/2003
Copyright © 2025 Nikki Rice