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The Epic of Milton

by D. Xavier Bari

Public Class frmBeingMiltonWaddams
     Inherits System.Windows.Forms.Form

     'TPS Report Format Checker
     'Copyright 1999, Initech Corporation

#Region " Declarations "
     Private Const MSGMUMBLES As String = "Mumbling..."
     Private Const MSGACTION As String = "That's the last straw."
     Private Const MSGENVELOPE As String = "TRAVELER'S CHECKS"
#End Region


     Private Sub cboDailyGrind_SelectedIndexChanged(ByVal sender As Object, ByVal e As System.EventArgs) Handles cboDailyGrind.SelectedIndexChanged
          If Me.chkFlashPoint.Checked = True Then
               Me.ThinkingLikeMilton(Me.MSGENVELOPE)
          Else
               Me.ThinkingLikeMilton("Insult")
          End If
     End Sub

     Private Sub ThinkingLikeMilton(ByVal straw As String)
          Dim seedPhrase As Integer
          seedPhrase = CInt(Int((3 * Rnd()) + 1)) ' Generate random value

          If (straw <> "TRAVELER'S CHECKS") Then
               Select Case seedPhrase
                    Case 1
                         MessageBox.Show("I really want my red stapler back please...", Me.MSGMUMBLES)
                    Case 2
                         MessageBox.Show("I've moved my desk five times already...", Me.MSGMUMBLES)
                    Case 3
                         MessageBox.Show("I'll just...burn down the building...", Me.MSGMUMBLES)
               End Select
          Else
               MessageBox.Show("FIRE! FIRE FIRE! HEH HEH HUHH HUH! FIRE!", Me.MSGACTION)
          End If

     End Sub


#Region " Windows Form Designer generated code "

     Public Sub New()
          MyBase.New()

          'This call is required by the Windows Form Designer.
          InitializeComponent()

          'Add any initialization after the InitializeComponent() call

     End Sub

     'Form overrides dispose to clean up the component list.
     Protected Overloads Overrides Sub Dispose(ByVal disposing As Boolean)
          If disposing Then
               If Not (components Is Nothing) Then
                    components.Dispose()
               End If
          End If
          MyBase.Dispose(disposing)
     End Sub

     'Required by the Windows Form Designer
     Private components As System.ComponentModel.IContainer

     'NOTE: The following procedure is required by the Windows Form Designer
     'It can be modified using the Windows Form Designer.
     'Do not modify it using the code editor.
     Friend WithEvents cboDailyGrind As System.Windows.Forms.ComboBox
     Friend WithEvents chkFlashPoint As System.Windows.Forms.CheckBox
     Friend WithEvents lblInputDG As System.Windows.Forms.Label
      Private Sub InitializeComponent()
          Me.cboDailyGrind = New System.Windows.Forms.ComboBox()
          Me.chkFlashPoint = New System.Windows.Forms.CheckBox()
          Me.lblInputDG = New System.Windows.Forms.Label()
          Me.SuspendLayout()
          '
          'cboDailyGrind
          '
          Me.cboDailyGrind.DropDownStyle = System.Windows.Forms.ComboBoxStyle.DropDownList
          Me.cboDailyGrind.Items.AddRange(New Object() {"", "Ummm, yeah, could youuu move your desk as close to the back as possible?", "Ummm, yeah, could youuu move your desk to the storage room downstairs?", "Ummm, yeah, that's great.", "Ummm, I think I'll just take this stapler here. Thanks.", "Ummm, you'll want to check with payroll on that. Yeah.", "Ummm, oh, Hawaiian shirt day is next Friday."})
          Me.cboDailyGrind.Location = New System.Drawing.Point(54, 9)
          Me.cboDailyGrind.MaxDropDownItems = 7
          Me.cboDailyGrind.Name = "cboDailyGrind"
          Me.cboDailyGrind.Size = New System.Drawing.Size(405, 21)
          Me.cboDailyGrind.TabIndex = 0
          '
          'chkFlashPoint
          '
          Me.chkFlashPoint.Location = New System.Drawing.Point(132, 33)
          Me.chkFlashPoint.Name = "chkFlashPoint"
          Me.chkFlashPoint.Size = New System.Drawing.Size(219, 24)
          Me.chkFlashPoint.TabIndex = 1
          Me.chkFlashPoint.Text = "Find envelope under Lumbergh's door."
          '
          'lblInputDG
          '
          Me.lblInputDG.Location = New System.Drawing.Point(12, 12)
          Me.lblInputDG.Name = "lblInputDG"
          Me.lblInputDG.Size = New System.Drawing.Size(48, 16)
          Me.lblInputDG.TabIndex = 2
          Me.lblInputDG.Text = "INPUT:"
          '
          'frmBeingMiltonWaddams
          '
          Me.AutoScaleBaseSize = New System.Drawing.Size(5, 13)
          Me.ClientSize = New System.Drawing.Size(508, 69)
          vMe.Controls.AddRange(New System.Windows.Forms.Control() {Me.chkFlashPoint, Me.cboDailyGrind, Me.lblInputDG})
          Me.Name = "frmBeingMiltonWaddams"
          Me.StartPosition = System.Windows.Forms.FormStartPosition.CenterScreen
          Me.Text = "Being Milton Waddams "
          Me.ResumeLayout(False)

     End Sub

#End Region


End Class

09/21/2003

Posted on 09/21/2003
Copyright © 2025 D. Xavier Bari

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Jolie Jordan on 09/23/03 at 09:50 AM

Office space is a great movie.. and this? what can I say. its brilliantly original;)

Posted by Max Bouillet on 09/24/03 at 06:39 PM

I think it's brilliant. I can't be sure though. My coding is different than yours... and I guess my reboots take longer, too. And, uh, well I guess that's all I have to say about that.

Posted by Kourosh Taheri-Golvarzi on 05/18/05 at 02:36 AM

wwwoooooowwwww poetry in Visual Basic... bastard, I wanted to do that! :D well-done, man! I'm glad I was beaten by a true professional!

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