you are sugarcoated, dew drop. it
hurts my teeth to think of you so
i chew on whats left of him instead.
i am a loaded gun evident by the way
i turn on myself so willing to explode.

the weather is turning cold but i am not.
my mouth is still 98 degrees according to
the winterfresh commercials that i have
never seen.

i'm a liar and i need you to comfort me,
dew drop. beethoven is singing his music
into my ears and i need to be afraid this
time. you are not here but i think you
know this already. so i'll say nevermind
instead. did you know that some things
are alive and that some are dead in no
particular order at all. i think you need

to be afraid this time. madness keeps me
hushed around strange company which is
ironically the only company i will keep. can
keep. i'm not very good with friends.
especially the ones i keep inside my head.

sometimes i think i've made you up. honestly,
lovely, there's no way you can be real.
it isn't pleasant and Jim said "you cannot
touch these phantoms." do you think that
he meant me?

and last night, i was talking in my sleep.
i only know because the walls told me so
when i grew tired of the conversation and
woke up to get a glass of tea. silly, silly me.
i didn't think to leave the light on. i didn't think.

i hope one day to change my name to fill in
the blank and see what happens in the long run.
i've worn so many names out and so with this one,
i figure i can't go wrong. but you can still call me

anything because i'll answer. habit is a constant
companion who likes to play with my hair. every
time i light up another cigarette the bastards right there.
a twelve pack and i would probably have sex with him.
but i guess you didn't need to know that.

i am a toilet bowl filled with useless information.
you can sit on me. you can flush me. you can put
the lid down when you're done (the way some people
like it) but you will never drown me out.

i like the sound of my voice after midnight and i like
to use words like necessary and disregard. and
it is necessary for you to disregard anything i use
my voice for after midnight because that is when i

lie the most. see. i like it. and i have this best friend
who must remain anonymous because i know too
much and she could sue me for slander or hug
me just the same. besides, most days she doesn't

like her name and i'm not in liberty to do anything
about that but she has curls in her hair and that
counts for something. and sometimes she's so
pretty it's hard to look at but she has problems with
believing in fragile emotional displays

but she does watch alot of television these days
and because of that, i really love her. and when it
rains that's when i'm most alive but droughts have
a way of catching up with me. i'd move somewhere
better but i fed you my ticket and so now i'm forever

going one-way. i lost my groove in '73. six years later
i was born. i guess you could say i never stood a
chance but i stand 5'7 and i'm breaking into heaven
when i leave this world to learn a new kind of
interpretive dance.

not to be cliche'
but i'll miss you, dewdrop.
seems my aim is off today.

09/17/2003

Author's Note: i have no excuses left. (also...Jim as in Jim Morrison.)

Posted on 09/17/2003
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