How Do You Fare Today?

-How do you fare today?

Badly, I have no money and no prospect of any…

Do not despair, death is inevitable my friend, so off yourself so I can be the cutest girl on Elm Street.

Clock pudding hair night, civil shoe bunny door.

If your trying to ask me out.. that is soooo cute. Yes Ill marry you.

Rose stop house ice, town black the flavor.

Peanut butter green death, ozzie blown your cover.

Ahh now I see. So that was you there that dark afternoon.

Yeah I couldn’t help it. Clock it with ice on that blue night bull shit.

I saw you, I didn’t even know you. You were fighting back the night with your eyes. You were alone… so was I… The wind blew softer now but still we sat…

Then it was empty. A still black night. A sharper slap from the wind. Crazy nothings fill my head.

We are both waiting for an end that would never come… Made no difference between a foe or friends. With blanks in the chamber they all wanted us to believe. Both our trusting hearts had been deceived.

So we climed the stairs, my voices and I. Your presence dancing behind the shut door, hit the floor, cold tiles numb me little.

Can she hear me? Nothing but my whispers. Your silence never fades away. I sit and wait. It seems words can offer you no form of justice. Your remission to the songs not sung, thoughts are all filled with lies and false intentions.
And what of those empty promises? The ones with false heart. Your kisses cold. And I picture you sitting alone. The charismatic way you left me.

The way you pushed me away. The hate you hade for my fading hope of us. Never giving an inch to an idea. Never taking the time.

And time, time was never part of us. It was more of your prize, what you were shooting for. If we are, point, go both ways. This is now the end of the melodramatic bull we kept up for so long.

But I heard you cry at night. I even thought you were felling sorry. I wanted only for you to find what made you live with nothing. Did you ever really care?

If nothing, nothing ask, nothing know. I cried because next to me was cold stiff. I got used to your warmth going to some others bed.

I miss your warmth…. The way you fall into the covers at night. The way you hug the pillow. I lay still with my hand flat on my chest. I feel my heart beat as I watch the clock. I breath in on the tick and slowly out on the tock. Asked myself why miss you when you were next to me. Silent, lifeless, I felt alone with you.

I lay alone as well. For the hurtful cold words my lullaby to sleep. I was filled with importance you couldn’t comprehend. You gave up first. Your actions slapped me before I slapped you.

Furrowed empty bell of sand wasting time again. Well now we are older, not too much time passed. I have let go the anger here soon I will cut the lines. Waiting for the coldness of your wave. With your chilling hand to flow over my body like endless rain. There is no emotion. I walk, I talk faster to get free of your words of pain.

But I still long for our old selves. When your ice blue eyes where melting. When lying in bed, it was hot with our old passion. When conversations were filled with aspirating lust. A time when together friends longed for our love. Dreams now.



In dreams is where we lived. In love is what we were. We have talked to much and still said to little. Our words on the hope the other still cares. I am too scared to leave but to hurt to stay. Tell me you want me, tell me you need me like I need for you too. But again the television steals your attention.

A television turned on to shut out the answer. I stand there watching your eyes. Search for one in what? A Bud Light commercial. I watch and wait for your warm hand to cup my face and look into my eyes glassy with salt water from past words. I would scream my answer. Yet you have turned away. That is the sign that holds me back. Leaving me with a hole inside.

Can you even hear me? Now that I am screaming. I yell tearing at myself. If only you could see what I saw. I hate myself for what I did to you, and all the hell I put you thought. I miss the nights when we would sit for hours with only each other on our mind, on out tongue, on our bodies.. My foolishness, my torment, my unending need for you. If you could only forgive me. I have forgiven your sin. But how can I ask you to love?

Too scared to give in and say how I fell. To watch you stare forward. I hold my tongue yet the silence crawls over my skin. My mind is yelling the words I LOVE YOU yet I am too afraid to get hurt again. Will you look up and be the first? In 2 minutes I leave for good. Bags packed unknowing to you.

For the first time I bend, I give in. I reach out my shaking hand and place it on the small of your back. These may have been the worst years of my life but I earned then with you. I move in slow I can feel you. Your anger, your pain, my love.

I feel your hand warm and uncertain. I cant look, cant speak, So I slowly turn. Head into your chest. Tears spread dark on your shirt. Time to face what I have feared. I look up.

I look down heart pounding in my chest, tears welling in my eyes. I open my mouth to speak. Nothing comes. Not a word can come out. All the love, the pain, the fear. The words I needed you to hear. I miss you comes out moments before your phone rings.

I walk away from the embrace. Words mumbled away from you. My mind unwave of the conversation. I hang up and stare into your eyes. I speak words so hard to come out. “I am empty. I miss you but I am tired of the ordeal.” I walk away and repair. With my bags I give these words to you. My world, out past in your hands. What do you want? I can put them down or walk away. Say it!

I look up and away from your eyes, away from my weakness. Away. I fight back my pain but it shows in my face. I break. I fall. I can not even breath, I reach for your hand as I tell you I love you. Between the tears and the fear I grab your hand. Your eyes meet mine and for that moment the world stops. We are one, we were what we could have been. I feel you, I knew what needed to be said… I Know how to react but for this moment I am happy. I have not been happy for years I start to speak. The words flow like a mountain stream, clear clam for this night I will not give up on us. I will not let you go.

I sob out a sigh, embrace in your arms and its sealed with a kiss. Not some blahzay kiss. A kiss to cleanse away the past. A kiss that crushes away everything. The warmth that was absent for so long. Unwilling to pull away. Instead I pull to our bedroom.

I lead and follow to the room that has bee filled with void for so long. Your kiss is sweeter than it have ever been, you touch softer than I have ever known. I know why I could never leave you or why I could never let you go. I love you. A love that I have wanted for, searched for all my life to find in now in front of me I feel alive as I breath you in.

The talk can wait, the blaming gone. We both know the uneasy felling of what Is to come it doesn’t even matter at this moment. I just know that at this instant I have you. So the door closes a new chapter arises.

09/15/2003

Author's Note: This is actually a writing done with a guy named Josh it started as a note I passed to him at rehearsal... Every other little section was me than him. It starts off with just us joking around then it progressed into this... whatever it is. So just enjoy I guess....

Posted on 09/15/2003
Copyright © 2024 Deanna M Gritsonis