Mr. Johnson said,
      Take this paper home
      And follow the directions by your mechanics alone.
      Like you would follow your own heart,
      Let these words fall together and apart.

And all these words, "unencumbered numbered words"*,
Those many that have been familiar to me for many years
(over a decade)
Have suddenly found themselves fumbling for
            ...something. (Anything).
Anything that could concisely, precisely,
      Incisively, put a categorical misanthrope
            (like myself)
                  in a box.
When I think of what high school has been to me,
And as I look forward to everything that lays before me,
I think of something my friend said to me:
      "I think you've been ready for college since the first day of freshman year".
                        (That is a small comfort I hold in my heart).

Perhaps it is pompous to say that I have taken
      Nothing from high school to prepare me for college -
      And the truth is that nothing could be further from the truth.

All that I have taken from what high school has been to me,
      May be currently wrapped up in resentment and regret -
            But in all honesty, high school has made me exactly who I am.
The words that I have been looking for to put me in a box
      Would be made of all that I have learned since the first day of high school.

I never sold out on my beliefs
      (and will continue my tradition of never cheering in a short skirt
for a boys' team for the sake of "school spirit"),
I never muddled up the truth
      (and still believe that though, through the heartbreaks and looks of disbelief,
            honesty is honestly the best policy), and
I never found my place
      (and I realized I wasn't made for high school).

I have, however, found a lot of myself -
within these blue-lockered halls & thick-inked pages,
I have found myself.

I am honest. I am sweet. I am small.
I am easily distracted & hardly awake.
I speak articulately, but sometimes too softly.
I have a lot to say, but I don't have all the words.
I am temperamental.
I loved and I loathed - I smiled through my tears.
And I've had quite the hell of a senior year.
(And that was quite negatively).

A lot of my teachers have influenced me
      More than I would like to admit.
Most of them had a lot more to teach me about life
      Than they had to teach me about subjects.

Now I walk away with everything tied up in a neat little box -
      I'm capable of dealing with the most absurd and inane of people,
      I'm capable of handling myself.
      Mostly, I'm walking away knowing that
when I die, at least I can say I tried.

09/10/2003

Author's Note: A final assignment in my last english class in high school, written over a year ago. *borrowed quotes from song lyrics, by Jason Mraz.

Posted on 09/11/2003
Copyright © 2024 Ann Lauren