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Addiction (****) V.2.28.02

by Aaron Howard

Addiction 2-28-02

I feel those teeth gripping onto my spine.
A feeling that is known as truly mine.
I feel the tinge of hunger pulling at my stomach.
I feel the pain, my gut in a knot, tight as a rock.
I feed the need that thrives and drives me…
This junkie paradise in my own reality.
This one point… This addiction…
Maybe, in a joint or someone’s affliction.

Addiction, such a word with no real meaning to what it could stand for.
So I’ve come up with a meaning that might help explain addiction a little more.

A…For the absence of fear…
The absence of any possible message clear.
You lose fear when you know it’s something you love, something you’re addicted to.
You lose fear of life and death when you find out something pure and true,
Your addiction happiness always to be there for you…
Your addiction the fragile frame to which you adhere to like glue.
Be it a person, a drug, a sexual deviant, or a favorite food.
Be it in something that ups, downs or just puts you in the mood.

D…For Direction…
For which it leads you…
In which it bleeds you…
After all, it is yours alone and it will consume you alone, drive you…
For the rise and fall, the glass wall phone, with your tender moments left few.
The whites with your name on the bottom, the cellblock your from
the pumpkin suit in which you live, this direction you had to give.


D…For Disgust.
Which is how people see you when you admit you’re addicted…
For how they look at you while you’re being forcefully evicted.
It always sounds like such a bad thing.
The need play guitar or the need to sing.
Too bad, everyone is addicted to something.
No matter the cost or the despairs it might bring.
Be it in their TV, or in their frozen dinner.
Be it in their bible and title of being a non-sinner.
The sparkle of light in the eyes of your daughter.
In the hours of hearing your children’s laughter.

I…for Me…
Me Here…
You there…
Me clear.
You don’t care.
Me addicted,
You afflicted
You with your moral standpoint…
Me, with my proverbial joint.

Me’s stays here’s, you’s go over there’s,
No one ever worries, No one ever cares…
Out of sight out of mind
so stare yourself denial blind.

C… for Cost…
On what other people cost and charge for your addiction…
To lend a helping hand in line for your affliction
Be it love, money or supreme power…
Be it in the morning whisky and sour…
Still on this very day
We still fist over hand pay.
We don’t know the real cost,
Since there are so many lost.
It’s always a multi faceted addiction...
It’s something that depends on you confliction.
It’s makes you happy, yet it displeases others…
It might be in the hours just spent being mothers.
Be it your lover, your friend or your government.
Be it in your day off, late night hours creatively spent.

T…For Time…
Your addiction is a test of time…
Sometimes involves doing a crime.
How much do you love your children?
How much do you love your sin?
How much do you love your drugs?
How much do you love your frosty mugs?
Are they going to be with you forever?
Will they ever say no, never?
Is your favorite dinner going to be there for you when you’re old?
Is your favorite lifestyle here and now, or have you been oversold?

I...For internal…
All those dreams and lies we hold.
All the bullshit lines we once got sold.
Telling us it’s not your fault.
Keeping the internal locked vault.
It’s someone else’s, not yours
Be it in your nightly twelve of Coors.
The internal pain that the government causes when they forbid you from your addiction.
Be it in a joint…you’re midnight snacks, your favorite soap…your gun collection…
Seeing your child in another state.
Finding out the facts way too late…
When the ex wife has a restraining order against you.
When life turns out to be painfully destined to be too true…

O…For Obsess…
All those intruding thoughts about your addiction…
All those intruding morals on your personal conviction
How they drive your mind in circles, just one more laugh, one more moment of bliss.
Just one more moment of life that will come and go, and I can come to miss.

N…For Nature…
As in the true nature of this additictioned beast.
As in the proverbial nature on which we feast.
We know our addiction, we know it all to well.
We’ve come to embrace it, in this lifelong hell.
We’ve settled our scores and opened our mind
Living through the unkind leading the blind.

Addiction…what’s all the fuss?
It’s in the heart of each of us.

09/01/2003

Author's Note: I wrote this in the mindset that everyone is addicted to something or another...

Posted on 09/01/2003
Copyright © 2024 Aaron Howard

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