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Cold Razor

by Christopher Shin

I boil from my inner rage,
and I pounder if I should
have taken the blade to
my forearms that many years
ago.

My blood boils with the
inner torment of how
people tend to ignore
my pleads for assistance.
Sometimes I feel as if
the world is out to get
me.

Sometimes I feel the world
could do a little without me.
Or possibly I'm just
a waste of empty space.
I have nothing to care about
anymore.

I do not have the great love
of my life that I promised
myself when I was a romantic.
I do not have a dream or a glimmer
hope when I was a young novice.
All I do have is the burning
hatred in my blood.

So many times I have turned the
cold release of the razor before me.
So many times I pleaded with
hope to secure my fate.
So many times I desired to
be released from a world of hate.

Only to sit alone in a sea of
empty hopes and dreams.
Only then am I truly aware that
my optimistic shell is slowly
scattered around me like
the November foilage.

Suddenly I hear a bird sing,
and I feel the golden rays
of the sun on my face.
It melts the burning in
my soul to find release.
And for now I toss the
cold blade on the floor.
Maybe there is hope for now?

08/20/2003

Posted on 08/21/2003
Copyright © 2022 Christopher Shin

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Barbara Griffith on 08/21/03 at 03:55 AM

Chris, this is so deep, it's almost like every single bad thought is hidden behind these words.. I'm here for you.

Posted by Melinda Sordino on 08/21/03 at 03:51 PM

so deep and wonderfully well-written. it's as if your anger and emotions are pouring out o fyour words as blood does a wound. thanks for sharing!

Posted by Rula Shin on 01/15/04 at 03:43 PM

Wow. I know these feelings - very dark and painful. Thank God for those powerful little moments when birds start singing and sunshine thaws everything cold and hard inside. This is the moment the blade is dropped as you remember how you once where...hopefull, eager, and happy. With these memories one can believe, for an instant, that happiness is still attainable. In your dark state of mind you forgot that change was not only possible, but inevitable. And with the sun shining on your face you now remember how it feels to be happy and you drop the blade. That's how I always felt. I love this poem - very heartbraking and beautiful. Very beautiful poem.

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