I've stopped crying.

I'm back where I began -
numb and bottled,
accepting too much.

I'm tired of not being respected,
tired of not being wanted.
I'm tired of being lied to,
and my sympathy is gone.

Why should I feel sorry when you put yourself here?

I'm not an escape, I am a woman.
A woman.

Am I? Am I even human without emotion?

As easily as I can be turned on,
I can be shut off. I can shut off.
I have to... or I'll cry.

I've stopped crying.

Wasted tears.
No one would see them,
so no one would care,
so nothing would change,
so...

I've stopped crying.

Don't ask me what's wrong
if you don't want to fix it.
Just don't ask - it's better that way.

Then I can hate you
for not caring about me.
Instead I just hate you
for caring too much

for yourself.

I care a lot for myself, too.
But that doesn't mean
that other people do.

And the ones that do
are always the wrong ones.

So I go about my day,
inviting the nails
that will be driven

into my
hollow
veins.

I've stopped crying.

08/01/2003