Crying about the past
So I can move forward
My body wracks and tenses
With no sense of release.

Scars on my hand.

Breath mixed with rain.
Rain mixed with tragedy,
Self-pity,
And Ella Fitzgerald.

Scars on my past.

Locked in my car
And trapped in my memories
The weight of events crushes me:
Won't allow me to inhale emotion...

Just enough oxygen to live.

Scars on my future.

I can't let go.
I can't let go.
I can't let go.

I must let go.
I must let go.
I must let go

The pain has faded,
A white line across my heart.
Hate now froths my blood:
Churns my unforgiveness
Into a black ball of tar,
Clogging my senses.
Forcing me down.
Further
Deeper
Into the hell I created
And hold onto with both hands.

...It's not him anymore...

I realize with a jolt.
As I knew for months.

It's me.
It always has been me
And what I create for myself.

Locked in my car,
Breath mixed with rain.

...Realization...

07/29/2003

Posted on 07/29/2003
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