to love me is to have that love scattered
time and time again, to wake up asking
yourself "what is now a mistake and what has
always been?" the difference could nearly kill you.
i was always off running a hundred different ghosts
strapped to my back but i never stopped to ask
for directions. i never needed your help.
they say someday you'll find yourself and everything
will begin to make sense.
i find myself here struggling with the image of
what perfect should be and drowing in the need
for mediocrity. i didn't ask your name because i
didn't care to know it. but that didn't keep you
from touching me.
and once, i found myself spilling out,
a girl, a lover, a tyrant all in one. i changed that
shade before i knew what hit me. you will
never figure me out now. it's like i would have
said one time had i had the words handy inside of
my mouth, "what doesn't kill you completely, kills
you slowly, a murder that could last forever."
and leave you chewing on words to say,
thinking that murder is all i'm about.
but i didn't kill you, anyone of you. i only
shot in the air til i was tired. if you would have
just looked once into my sleepy eyes you would
have known i just needed sleep for awhile.
but so it goes and god only knows if i could
change every little thing i would.
there are some things you should just leave alone
and there are some things you never should
have touched in the first place.

07/09/2003

Posted on 07/10/2003
Copyright © 2024 Olivia Weinkein