So now I've realized
that you want no part in this contract of ours
this "Friendship."
I will not be used
and you will not actually care about me.
Well so be it then.
I've only a few questions to ask
(This shouldn't take long)
Did you ever really care about me in the first place? I know at one point in time it felt as if you did, but you're quite the actress, so I don't really know.
Did you just use me for a counsellor? Someone to tell you what to do to make things right? Remember when Rachel was mad at you because of Barbara? Remember the letter I wrote for you to give to her to fix things up? Did you ever thank me for that?
Was I just your ride home day to day? Is it really that easy to just toss me when your social life starts to boom?
You know I'll be here when it goes down again, don't you?
Did it ever occur to you that perhaps what you are doing causes strife in some people? That maybe, just maybe, I'm hurting like hell because you don't seem to mind that I'm losing my balance and falling?
Am I just a distant relative to you?
Was I ever your friend?
Honestly now, because I'm sick of your lies.
Come to think of it, I'm sick of not being told anything
AND of your lies.
I'm sick of trusting you and never being trusted with anything more than what will help you.
I'm sick of being used JORDANE.
Yeah, you Jord. YOU. One of the 3 people that function as my air.
By the way, I'm choking.
I don't remember the last time you ever called me, just to talk.
Not because you needed something, like a ride or advice, just to talk.
I'm so sick of wanting to forget that you don't trust me.
I hate to think that you're only around me because if you aren't you won't get to see our friend Jen this summer.
I'm sick of always thinking about last summer!
I'm sick of never seeing you.
I'm sick of being so angry at you.
I'm so sick of crying because I realize I don't know you at all and I never will and no one can change that but you!
I'm sick of the fact that you won't!!
I'm so GOD DAMN SICK OF IT!!!!

I hate the fact that I'm a hypocrite.
I say I won't let myself hurt anymore
yet i'm wasting saline
on your stupid memory.

06/12/2003

Posted on 06/13/2003
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