Everytime that I
Find my self getting upset,
I find out that its is
The one thing that I alway regret.
I always try to find something wrong
With everyone around me,
I cannot understand why I put myself
in a state of being so unhappy.
I came home crying and the first thing
I want to do is go to bed,
At the end of the day, I wind up feeling
Like I would be better off dead.
When someone passes me in the halls
I try not to let my emotions show,
Everytime someone is looking at me
I feel like they are thinking, "I know."
Every night before I go to bed
I talk to Jesus and say,
"I wish that you would let me come home
So that you can take my pain away."
When I get into a fight with my parents
I feel like they think that I am a lie,
When I try to convince myself I am not
I let the depression take over and all I can do is cry.
I can still hear him whispering,
"You kow you want it, so why don't you give in?"
At this point when it comes to my life
I feel like I will never be able to win.
When I even consider the fact
That he may get set free,
The only thought running through my head
Is that I will soon be hanging from a tree.
I know that it will take me a long time
To quit feeling like this,
I just wish that I know when it would be
So that I could fill my life with bliss.
I keep on trying to let out my feelings
But sopmeone keeps getting physically hurt,
I feel like it is almost my time to
Be six feet under the dirt.
I cabn go for a day or two
And be just fine,
After that I feel myself
Getting way out of line.
When I try to act like someone
Else I feel so strange,
I can continue to feel safe as long as I have
My paintbrush that can make me change.
I do not know what to do anymore
Since a part of me has died,
I cannot believe that I tried to cover up
Everything, because I feel like I was living a lie.
Now the time has come to
Try to put this to an end,
Even though it will be hard
without having that many friends.
What I want to know is where God was
During this whole time?
All this guy left me was a life that is not
Even worth a dime.

05/12/2003

Posted on 05/12/2003
Copyright © 2025 Courtney B Chiles