I fell for it again. Everytime I begin to pride myself in being a smart woman, someone with a good heart and head on my shoulders, I do it all over again. He lied to me, spoke words to my friends before me and about me. I’m humiliated by a person who’s convinced me to trust them. Why do people keep doing this to me? Does my face cry out to them “Use me, hurt me… I can take it! Walk all over me because my smile is friendly and you know I won’t walk over you!” I told him I didn’t trust him, and he begged for that trust. I gave an inch, and he pulled the rug from underneath me. I stuck up for him to everyone, and he acts as if I’m a bump in the road, an object to be thrown out for humor when I’m not around. I can’t take this anymore. It’s not even him. I guess on some level I expected it, but that only makes it worse, because I didn’t prevent it. I’ll still wish him well, but most importantly that he learns a lesson of life. That is my purpose, right? To teach by being the example. They treat me wrong, then treat the next one right. Mission complete, as the stepping stone that I am. I’m torn up and ready to lie in a heap of humiliation, but at the same time satisfied. I was right, and still went through with my duties. I’m just shrunken a little more… a little more pain. I suppose I can take it. There are always more drugs, right?

04/07/2003

Posted on 04/07/2003
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