I try to imagine what it would be like, to be in love with you. I look at you, and wonder what it would feel like, what it would taste like. To love with you. I would be afraid, of losing. Well… I’m afraid of losing you now, as I sit here in your arms… even for just one second. Because I know that when you let go, it used to be me who would turn my back- but now I just hold on until we remember who we are… in a matter of seconds… But while I sit there for that time, and we hold, I feel every feather of contact and imagine that if you didn’t let go if we would just melt into each other. I wish you would let us melt into each other. I wish I had let us- Melt. Like those summer days of childhood. Wind-swept car-rides Crayola blue and red… But as I sit here, we think about love, and I wonder what it would feel like if I were in love with you. What would it feel like if I loved you and needed you and wanted only you… and how would that feel if you were in love with me still? But I know, that as we let go, you think of your pixie. And you think, that when we let go, I think of mine. But I think of you… and it hurts to think of you. Letting go hurts. Which is why, when I’m not dreaming, I am busy with infatuation. Pretending to fall in love with a pixie of my own. But I know the difference between infatuation and you. I wonder, what it would taste like to be in love with you. I imagine it’s like an empty subway stop and the echo of laughter.

02/20/2003

Posted on 02/21/2003
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