Why do you constantly put me down?
Does it make you like yourself that much more?
What kind of mother purposely tries to make their child feel bad?
What kind of mother are you?
You know...you act as if you are normal...as if your childhood didn't screw you up somehow
Well news for you dear mother...it did...
And I am sorry for you...
I am sorry for the way you had to live
For the way that you were made to feel
For the things you had to do
But it wasn't me who put you through all of that
IT WASN'T ME MOTHER!!!
I have never done anything but love you...look up to you...
Wanting and needing your approval so desperately...
Knowing and seeing how you choose favorites among your kids...when you said you'd never do that
"Why can't you be more like your sister?"
"Why can't you be as smart as your brother?"
"Why can't you lose weight? No one will love you if you look like that."
I'm sorry mother...you are wrong.
I am loved...
If not by you...by daddy, my friends, and my wonderful boyfriend who doesn't look at me in disgust because I am just not that thin...or athletic...or neat...
He loves me for me...
Why can't you?

01/22/2003

Author's Note: I love my mother. She isn't a horrible woman. She raised me in a good home and helped me out as much as she could. She can be mentally and emotionally abusive at times, but I don't think she realizes it. I don't blame it on her. She had a horrible childhood. I just wish it didn't affect the way she is now...towards me... And the problem is...she doesn't think there is anything wrong...

Posted on 01/23/2003
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