i leave this now
with a burning in my throat
again and again and again
I wish i could come out of this
kicking & screaming, the only anger
the only hurt i've ever been sure about.
but this, not like this. such silence,
sitting still, dumbfounded, unable to
curse anything and everything,
unable to move too much for fear
that something will break. i long for
words to yell, i long for hate, something
to fill in the gaps, something to assure
me i'm still alive, that i will move on,
that i am something worth more than
the choked out sentence fragments you
gave to me.
that i am something worth more...
that i am worth something.
you took my fire and broke my stride
and left me with nothing to say or do
but question everything i've ever known
and wonder why i can't find the me that
would tear this apart. kick it in the ass.
come out of this kicking & screaming...
you did take the best parts of me, didn't you
and to think you had the nerve to say people
change. well, yes, i guess they do. and you
should feel lucky.
because the old me would have stomped
all over you.

01/20/2003

Author's Note: heh, i still might :)

Posted on 01/20/2003
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