Maybe this time I let myself get a little too involved,
and that is why it almost felt
like I could feel,
why I almost felt like it hurt.
Maybe I just wanted to pretend
that I still was alive
though I've watched this world
for nearly seven years now through the eyes of the dead.
Maybe I thought
that if I tried just one more time
if I had expectations,
they wouldn't be let down.
Maybe I was just tired of the lies,
and the pain
and the regrets
and I just wanted to be rid of them.
Maybe I did get hurt this time
but I am too afraid to admit it
because I know what that means
and I don't want you to know I really am still human,
Maybe I just don't care anymore
and my life is an open book
and I have no secrets left worth keeping,
because nothing I say is worth remembering anyhow
Maybe I wanted to believe,
wanted you to believe
wanted to be believed,
but it doesn't really matter now.
Maybe I ran away because I was scared
maybe I told you the truth because I wanted someone to know
maybe I trusted you because I didn't think you'd leave
who knows
maybe it all just comes down to the simple facts of life
that no one knows me
and never will
because I won't let anyone in enough to see it.
Maybe I just really don't care anymore
caring takes too much effort.

12/18/2002

Author's Note: I think I understand what Steph meant when she told me that she couldn't do it.

Posted on 12/18/2002
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