In the end, it's just another paradox,
and a simple one at that.
I'm afraid to be alone
and yet afraid to commit.
Unwilling to trust,
frightened of opening up,
scared of being hurt...again.
Yet every night alone,
every dark and desolate thought,
every moment spent wishing
that there was someone to share it with...
they all leave me torn up inside
and throw me into this seeming-endless quest
for fulfillment.
Fulfillment I've yet to ever find,
though there have been chances and occasions enough.
And yes, it makes me feel dirty.
I don't like going from man to man,
discarding each one as if
they were no more than dirty laundry.
Good men, good people,
worthy of being cared for as they care for me
and each time I am uncapable
of anything more than breaking another heart.
Why am I scared of something
that I want more than anything in the world?
Haunting paradox...
simple, yes, to understand,
but to free myself of it
is something else altogether.

11/28/2002

Posted on 11/28/2002
Copyright © 2025 Amanda J Cobb