the swirling thoughts and feelings
begging for some words
all the things we promised weÂ’d never be
we are now becoming
I canÂ’t move
I canÂ’t breathe
the power of this is oppressing me
I never thought my feet would take me to where I stand
I never imagined a feeling like this
I never pretended anything this wonderful
but here it is
in this way
consoling
loving
life may crash around us
but we know weÂ’ll always have each other
this night is about a reaffirmation
a reinstating of a mutual love
no matter what happens
if the sky fall in pieces at your feet
if your eyes crash and your heart breaks
if every hope you had is gone
if every person walks away
if you feel completely alone
IÂ’ll always be there to hold your hand
no matter how you try
you canÂ’t lose me

11/27/2002

Author's Note: When these things were happening, I promised myself not to be emotional at all. That meant no poems. Well, we see how well that worked. It WAS emotional because, while I knew it wasn’t about romantic love, it was most honestly about love in general. Is that confusing? Yeah, I know. But it was. Love. In it’s purest sense. And that’s what compelled me to write. The day before I wrote it, I was talking to Koye about how I knew something like it was coming. I could feel it kind of brewing inside me. I set out with the intention of making the poem about story-telling but it became an inward look at my own devotion to this boy. It’s a weird devotion; I’ve always known that, because it’s one of those things that lack definition. But once I started to express it, things that I didn’t even know I felt were presenting themselves. There isn’t an ounce of hope in this one. It sort of sounds that way in some lines, but there isn’t. If there is, if you find some, it’s not intentional. It’s just me being me and hoping that’s okay. That’s what it always is, though.

Posted on 11/27/2002
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