Sometimes I forget that he's not here anymore.
I had a dream last night that my mother had died
and I had to come home and help my father
with raising my little sisters.
All the quirks of his personality
and his parenting techniques were there
and it was just as I remember him
and at this point I woke up,
realized it was a dream,
and thought "God, if that ever happened,
how would I ever help him..."
and there I stopped.
Remembering.
If my mother died anytime soon,
I would be going home to raise them
by myself,
because he's not there anymore
and hasn't been for almost 2 years.

Dreams like this hurt so much
because he's so REAL
and I don't want to wake up
and remember that he's gone,
that all the quirks are now just memories.
You'd think, with how he chose to leave this world,
that I wouldn't be able to forget that he's gone.
But it happens -
in certain moments, in dreams...
and then painful reality cuts in
because they ARE just dreams.
I won't ever see him again
or hug him again
or talk with him again
or even fight with him again.
He's gone.
And I know from the aching pain in my heart
that I will always miss him.

11/12/2002

Posted on 11/12/2002
Copyright © 2025 Amanda J Cobb