for many years, inside my own mind
memories I will not confide
dreams of flight and peace and pleasure
hand in hand with suicide
till one day the dreams kept running
broken film in black and white
and my mind, in hopes of escape
plunged itself in constant night



awareness comes in like the tide,
how the colors do subside-
now all is lost to black and white
yet I’ve not lost my cursed sight

I tried to lose the pain in sleep
but silent screams cut through the deep-
I begged for my wish to come true
sweet numbness wont come too soon

strapped as i am into my chair
by love for one who does not care
stare at this screen, I have for days
yet I cannot avert my gaze

all I have, this scene to ponder-
fool things I did when i was younger-
now that I am a weak old man
I watch this screen, it's all I can

silent movie, black and white
no voices here, just dark and light
still play upon, in truth, within
my silver screen of tarnished wings

pretty picture-show of pain
slowly driving me insane
I can't help but set my eyes
and watch: my mind is crucified

looking on by looking back
wishing that my eyes were black
so that I couldn’t see your face
or have to look upon this place

heaven, it fills my whole mind
but I can never get inside
trapped within a crystal cell
visions of you keep me in hell



I held you in my hands, this rose,
I found such pleasure in those thorns
and even though you may be gone
I’ll always have with me this song
that rants and raves within my head
while all around me, sound is dead
but still I watch it without shame

~ my pretty picture-show of pain ~

10/25/2002

Author's Note: this is old, old, old. but i thought I'd post it anyway- maybe I'll get enough imput to be able to see the poem for the words and rewrite it properly....

Posted on 10/25/2002
Copyright © 2025 Richard Paez