They always start out with me driving,
through the mountains he loved
in a hurry to get somewhere
And I'm always driving his truck
The seat is too big
and I can't see very much over the wheel
or reach the pedals all of the way
just like when I was little
and I almost wreck dozens of times
but eventually get to where I'm hurrying to
I'm always late
but it still seems like we wait for someone
Even in my dream I know something is wrong
and everyone around me is having fun
but I have this horrible feeling
of panic and fear in the pit of my stomach

And that's when he shows up - my father
in full dress uniform
though not the one I remember
and he stands in the doorway
silent and unmoving
just looking at us and taking us in
and no one else seems to notice
but in my dream I start to cry
That's when it seems that he looks at me
and no one else
there is that same intense look
of complete sadness in his eyes
just like that last time
and he takes a step into the room
taking me up in his arms
just like he always used to do
and he's crying too

He's never as big in my dreams
as I remember him in real life
What does that mean?
Does it mean I'm growing as a person
or that I'm slowly, slowly
forgetting him?

09/30/2002

Posted on 10/24/2002
Copyright © 2024 Amanda J Cobb