1.
Would my words come out better if I just banged my head down
Against the awkward arrangement of QWERTY and their cousins?
Or would they be siblings? All apart of the same unit, a family
Of plastic pieces, each a bit different, with
Its own special purpose.

2.
Not my keyboard, which is why I keep fumbling. Damn thing anyway,
Sony should stick to Walkmans
and stereos, leave computers
To the others. Where the hell is my pen?

3.
Carpal tunnel, if ever were there a potential victim it sits
In this chair.
Repetition, over and over and over, once again?
Why not.
Over and over and over.
Life is just repetition, breathe in and out, in and out.
Ingestion, digestion, excretion.
Stand up, sit down, walk around, lay down
Breath in and out, in and out. Deeper and deeper til she screams,
Roll over, and finally get to go to sleep.

4.
Dream to go out in a blaze of glory. Butch and Sundance, I’ve got Paul Newman’s
Cool blue Eyes.
“Did you see LaFores?” No “Good, for a second I thought we were done for”
Run out shooting into an entire army.
Frozen in time at that last second.
Ready, aim, FIRE!

5.
I miss my goatee, don’t know why I shaved it.
Now the dribbled food runs down my chin onto my shirt.
Razor burn
Shaving time doubled
Get it over with, quick, Slice, damn that hurts.
Blood and food on my shirt

6.
Breathe in, breath out, never that simple
For me anyway
Chest pain. See: congestive heart failure
See: once broken rib, stabbing my lung
See: second hand smoke damage

7.
Forget I said anything.
Oh, I didn’t. That’s right, I’m not good at talking.
Okay, forget I said anything about saying anything. Once again?
Why not.
Forget I said anything about saying anything.

8.
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods,
Would someone else make a sound?
Can’t remember when I heard that.

9.
All broken things are fixed with time and love,
But what if time and love
Are what keep breaking my heart?
Sometimes people say these things to get
Others to stop bitching.
Does it ever work?

10.
Time and time again, again and again.
Something happens, someone cries, people stop to
Look, then move on. Forget it ever was
Whatever it was.

11.
Cancer inside, ugliness outside. Cancer eats the good parts.
My heart, my brain, my memories, my thoughts, feelings,
Faces, hopes, and my kidney. In no particular order.
I’d like to be strong enough to beat cancer, and will probably
Get a chance. Payback mother fucker! You think you’re strong, well welcome
To my bear trap, prepare to face a wrath you have even yet
To hear of. Don’t remember these cold eyes?
You saw them through his, in that damn hospital bed, but you didn’t see me cry.
Wouldn’t give you the satisfaction. Your conquering ends
Right here, right now. I’m burning you down.

12.
Ten o’ three. What?
She yelled it across the house to me, but I didn’t ask her anything.
That just happened, she said it and I typed it. Don’t ask me to explain, I’m still burnt out
From number eleven.

13.
Beats me. I wrote that as answer once, because I didn’t know. And the teacher laughed
That’s funny, he said. Beats was the correct answer, he though I did that on purpose.
So I let him think I was clever. Hey, somebody might as well.

14.
Bitterness at the back of my throat
A horrible battery acid taste, try and spit it out or choke it down
Never works. Been there for a couple days, tastes like the little white things I used to cough
Up a lot. Haven’t done that in a month or so, I’m not sure
Which is worse.

15.
They are talking, and it breaks my thought like a judo chop.
I almost lost that one actually. Changes in volume, pitch, speed. All turn so sharp and
Send my train of thought off the tracks into the empty sea of lost concentration.
I don’t want them to shut up, I just want to not hear anything. Talking, ticking, clicking, humming,
Buzzing, revving, scratching, creaking, blowing, pounding. In my head
I want it all gone, maybe then I’ll get something done. Probably not though. Once again?
Probably not though.

09/12/2002

Posted on 09/12/2002
Copyright © 2024 Ryan M Evon