It was never meant to be this way

It was never meant to be this way,
I feel like I am drowning
And there’s no one there to help me.
I can’t cry out for help
Because no one knows of my pain,
I’ve kept it hidden too well
Hiding behind the mask I wear.
So I choose to remain quiet
Not to speak the words I long to shout
My words come forth in a silent scream
That no one will ever hear.

It was never meant to be this way
But past pain has jaded me
The broken promises and forgotten words
That I just can’t forgive
Closed my eyes to those I love
And so I speak no more
Masquerading loneliness as solitude
Believing endurance will make me stronger
When in fact it weakens me
And I can’t let myself go right now
Too many people need me to be strong.

It was never meant to be this way
When those I love stumble
I always say fall on me
I'll be there to catch you.
I never meant to get so involved
To be so close to others
That I can feel their pain and sorrow
I have tried the other path
To be uncaring and soulless
Not caring for anything or anyone
And I just couldn’t do it.

It was never meant to be this way
I should be thankful for my gift
For I am equally cursed and blessed
So at least I have symmetry
The guilt and paranoia
Were not parts of the package
Neither was the doubt
Of myself and those around me
Would they catch me if I fall ?
I guess I’ll find out soon enough
For I am about to let go…

07/30/2002

Posted on 07/30/2002
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