Five surefire ways of getting rid of anyone that is stalking you:

1. Tell them "Wow, my sex-change operation really worked out well, don't you think? Usually, people are turned off by that type of thing, but I'm glad that you really want to get to know me!"

2. Play/sing Alanis Morresette and/or Cher. Constantly.

3. Tell them your husband is a convict about to finish his sentence for murder, and that you lost the ring.

4. Tell them that you got a possible perfect just last week. When they ask what a possible perfect is, explain in as much detail, that it is a shooting range term for hitting the bullseye, 50 times from 50 feet. Tell them the bullseye resides in the crotch area. Also, explain to them while pussy-ass cops do it with a 9mm, you did it with a .45.

5. If all else fails, a simple squeeze-and-twist is effective. What's a squeeze-and-twist? Simple, grab crotch, squeeze, and twist. Renders victim in shock, unconscious, or in extreme buttload of pain. Feel free to kick when they are on the ground a few times to let the lesson sink in.

yer pal

;) Jersey ;)

06/21/2002

Posted on 06/21/2002
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