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if you say so

by Olivia Weinkein

i wasn't angry when i smashed
all the mirrors and spoke in
chopped up sentences indirectly
nor was i tired when i screamed
for bed
comfort
the memory of home
and
i'm not washed up
anymore than you
ok
(if you say so)

i wasn't sad when for days
i couldn't look anyone in the eye
for fear i would stumble
crumble
right at their feet
it isn't that
and sometimes
it isn't this
i don't know what i mean
(if you say so)

and i do
well
sometimes when i can actually
find words that leap rather than
fade into the walls of all those
misgiven meanings
do you think he'll call
no of course not, they never do
(if you say so)

i'm not insane because i prefer
my company rather than others
or the feel of a rough hand
swollen tongue
no
we won't go there
and i don't plan on going anywhere
am standing still
(still standing)

- something like that
but i know it's getting a little shady
and i won't ever know him them those
people again
and it's just me left
i've knocked them all down
and it's just me now
alone
alone
(if you say so)

04/27/2002

Posted on 04/27/2002
Copyright © 2024 Olivia Weinkein

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