Once, while giving in to the lure of my vices,
I dreamt that I was pricked
by a rose with venomous thorns.
The poison seeped into every orifice,
every nerve, every cell.
Suffocating on the substance,
desperately I gasped for breath...

Everything went black, rendering me oblivious and blind...
yet, when I submitted to the free fall,
I drank in the rush of wind enveloping my body.
I plummeted into a chasm; endless and terrible.
The crash-land came like a gunshot, quick and concise.

I licked my lips savagely, absorbing the blood.
The Essence intoxicated weakened resolve,
hibernating in my ribs...
the Beast quelled; darkness swept in.

The fall had devastating repercussions:
I was lost, dumb struck and winded...
Rendered powerless as I was captured
by a sinister, two-headed dragon.
His Look ignited terror in my spine, my legs paralyzed.
While studying me, his prey, he released a puff of smoke.
It circled my head and latched onto my throat,
declaring me his Slave.
Frantically, I struggled the binding authority;
gnashing my teeth and attempting free myself in vain.
Angrily, the Beast snarled, letting forth
a wall of fire; intensity unmatched.
The heat licked me from the inside out,
snuffing out my Resolve.
When lashes fluttered, I was alone.
I emerged -- broken and fatigued --
from the clutches of insanity,
and in a whirlwind, I ascended
into Wisdom's haven.
She looked at me --
a weathered and unholy thing --
and after surveying my wounds,
unlocking the Heavens.
A shower of grace
washed me clean, and healed the burns…
Ointment and linens were placed
upon my tattered limbs,
sealed with the balm of Mercy.
Soon body and mind were
healed of the memory,
and after a time,
Wisdom departed from me,
and I was alone: isolated and silent.

Time stood still and held no meaning in this place.
I laid unmoving until I heard a muffled noise.
Investigations led to the next chapter:
the sights of which were sobering, vile...
each detail struck a chord in my depleted soul:

As if on camera, I beheld my life..
To my dismay, it began midway through
the portion when I was still innocent:
Untainted, I had been happy -- I radiated warmth.
I was capable of vulnerability.
It was a time when my touch had been gentle,
when once-dreamy eyes hadn't hardened,
a period without being a cynic -- I could hardly remember.
As a child, I prayed "My soul to keep" each night, and
thought the bogeyman harmless...
when I wasn't too old to welcome
the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy and Santa Clause
to have Tea with me and Mr. Muffin-man.

The joy was short lived,
the evolution progressed mercilessly...
The set changed, and several scenes later,
I was forced to watch in horror while
my young body was thrust back beneath
the weight of a lust filled, depraved evening:

it was all I could do to not wretch.
immobile, I stood. my mouth agape,
mind bleeding from the memories
which were etched and burning
in my womb like a canker sore.

It was unto a feeding frenzy:
men corrupting girls, just because they could.

Enraged, I lashed out at the screen,
tears stinging eyes
instead of shattering glass, I
Biting back bitter tears, I gasped when
I discovered that the dream had been
a deception, a glimpse
of what might come.
Illusion had been the drug
swirling in my stomach,
which I had willingly taken
to my detriment.

Worse, I saw clearly that the thorn
which hastened my death
was really my hand; cold, and callused,
woven 'round a silenced heart...

As for the Dragon, he was my mind's eye.
Even lifetimes later, I relive the acidic sensations from
steaming nostrils on the nerves of my neck,
I can still smell his stench and see the outline
of a Creature who is eager to spring his trap
once I betray better judgment and ignore instinct...
once step into his lair, I'll suddenly be ensnared.
He will gobble me up, bone and all...
and after he's thrown me up,
I'll give into old patterns,...

again, I'll give into my vices,
again, I'll be digested
by this swirl of addiction.

again, I'll be the fool and the scholar,
again, I'll dare to play God.

04/07/2002

Posted on 04/07/2002
Copyright © 2024 Rachelle Howe