Sometimes I wonder whether I feel anything at all.
I can't remember the last time something felt right.
Maybe nothing is right any more, or maybe I was
Fooling myself when I thought right really existed.
Perhaps it is still there somewhere, only I
Am unable to find it like I always could before.

Maybe...perhaps...where did all the certainty go?
Could it be that it is also a fictitious concept?

All these questions without answers are causing
A great big hole in my thinking which once was
So seamless, and undemanding of thought.

Thoughts without thinking...what an idea.
Perhaps if they have not been thought,
They are not thoughts at all, but feelings.

More uncertainty, more feelings, another choice
Between something I have and something I want,
Or think I want, despite absence of thoughts -
So something I feel I want, even though
What I feel I want are feelings.

Perhaps my feelings are there, I just can't feel them.
In which case they may not exist.
Enter our old friend uncertainty once again.
I hate uncertainty, even though hate is a feeling
And I am uncertain about having them.
Maybe I am certain, only I can't feel it.
Or perhaps my feelings are there, only I am
Not certain that I can really feel them at all.

And now I am uncertain of how I feel towards reality.
Or maybe I really feel nothing about it, and
These uncertain feelings I have are not real.

Perhaps I should stop thinking now,
Even though it has been established that
I do not think anyway, or at least
It does not feel like I do, except that I might really.

Maybe I feel something, only it isn't real.

03/31/2002

Posted on 04/01/2002
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